The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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