My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
