Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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