Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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