I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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