Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
