I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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