There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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