instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
