If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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