Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Randomize
