I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
