3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
