yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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