i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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