It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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