Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
