what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
