One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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