At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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