he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
