Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
