Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
