Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
