Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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