Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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