i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
