Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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