I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
