ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
