im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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