let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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