Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I have aggressive nipples.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
