Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
