He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
