The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
