Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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