I queefed so loud it echoed.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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