He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
