There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
