I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
