Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
