I got chris browned last night
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
