I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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