you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
