I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
