wakey wakey hands off snakey
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
