how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
