3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You're so nebulous sometimes
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
