guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize