i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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