I didn't shave. On purpose
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I cockslap morals
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
