the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
