the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
