Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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