we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
