2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The power of my boobs compel you
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
