Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
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