Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
