his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
