oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
