My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
