it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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