Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Pooping to opera.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
