We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
