how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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