exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
